6 Tips to Help Your Partner Through Depression
by Amber Dalsin, M.Sc., C.Psych.
Watching your partner suffer is incredibly painful, leaving you feeling powerless.
At times you might ooze with empathy and want to take their pain away, but at other moments you might be frustrated with their low mood and their lack of motivation.
One of the hardest things to do is love someone through depression.
Here are 6 tips to help you support your partner through depression.
Ask Your Partner How They Want to be Supported
Instead of guessing how to help, ask if there is a way you can support them. They might not know, and that is okay. But if they do, try following their suggestion and see what happens.
Listen
Don't try to solve the depression. Just listen. Use listening skills like reflecting back what they are saying and feeling, or validation. Stay away from advice or problem solving (unless they ask).
If you need more help on how to validate their feelings, check out the FREE GUIDE, The Emotional Validation Cheat Sheet.
Cuddle
When you cuddle with someone you care about, it helps deal with stress. The body releases stress hormones called oxytocin, giving off a calming feeling. It can help foster loving feelings or even falling asleep.
Schedule Weekly Dates
No matter how long you have been together, going on dates increases relationship satisfaction. Take out your calendars and find time for one on one connection. The partner experiencing depression may not want to do some of the things they did before but compromise on simple outings out of the house.
Build a Culture of Appreciation
Depression makes people believe they are worthless, useless and leaves them feeling guilty. Express genuine appreciation for something about them or something they did. Find an adjective that you appreciate and link it to a story of a specific example. E.g. You are so helpful. When you made lunch for me today, it made my day easier.
Know When More Help is Needed
You didn't cause, can't cure, and can't control depression in your partner. When nothing seems to be working or they are in significant distress, get qualified professional help. If your partner is actively threatening to end their life, or the life of someone else, get them to the nearest emergency department ASAP.
These tools may help you feel like you have some influence over how to help your partner. Do the best you can. You’re in a tough spot.
This blog is not meant to be a substitute for couples therapy or relationship counselling. This should not be construed as specific advice. See a relationship therapist in your area to address your specific problems.