What is True Love?
If my partner doesn’t do these things, is our love really meant to be?
Tears rolled down Jennie’s cheeks as she questioned if Omar was really the partner for her. After meeting, Jennie delighted in the whirlwind of dates, romance, long talks, and intimate encounters. She grew accustomed to butterflies in her stomach and felt crushed when she hadn’t felt the butterflies flutter in over a year.
She began to question if her love was true as Omar was not able to understand her needs. He kept walking away during conversations and wasn’t considering what she wanted. She felt tension mount in her body as he suggested she plan the next date and seemed to shrug off all responsibility.
Like Jennie, many people question if their love is true. Popular television and romance novels do real life a disservice when considering what “true love” really is. At times love can feel like a symphony, all perfectly in tune, and other times love feels like a grind that is difficult to maintain. It’s important to remember that real life calls those ideals into question. Most love withstands difficulties and overcomes many challenges to endure the test of time.
People question true love in the following domains: purity of love, empathy, fairness and sexual excellence.
Purity of Love
This standard holds that true love is free of conflict, disagreement, or conditions.
Empathy
Thinking that your partner must really understand and get-you in order to have true love. Holding idealistic standards that your partner should “just know” what you need, never do anything that will hurt you, and put your needs ahead of theirs are some of the standards against which people measure true love.
Fairness
The fairness standard involves thinking there should be total equality in decision making, and equal efforts in tasks and chores.
Sexual Excellence
Sexual excellence is the illusive ideal that both partners will be equal in terms of desire. The thought that mood, setting, timing, climax and enjoyment will all be just right.
The standards above often get in the way of seeing what is right and what is making love work. People are all bound to make mistakes and want to do things their way, which can be different than how we want it. Nevertheless, it does not mean our love is not true. It just means there are two different people that have come together in an imperfect union, trying to have a relationship that acknowledges and accepts different beliefs, standards and values on what it means to be in a relationship.
There will certainly be areas couples need to compromise and work towards standards that make them both feel loved and valued. Before deciding your love isn’t true, see if you can compromise with your partner like they are someone you love.
Because you are reading this, I’m sure you want to understand what it really takes to create a loving long term relationship. To give you the step by step framework for how to create this we created the FREE guide: 6 Small Things Successful Couples Do.
This blog is not meant to be a substitute for couples therapy or relationship counselling. This should not be construed as specific advice. See a relationship therapist in your area to address your specific problems.
