11. 4 Point Road Map To Increase Sexual Satisfaction In Your Relationship
If your sexual relationship is as stale as month-old bread this podcast will lay the steps to create a passionate and enjoyable sex life.
In this relationship advice podcast episode, we are talking about the following:
How to talk about sex with your partner
How to initiate sex with your partner
Sex idea to keep it interesting
How to decline sex with your partner
Talking about sex likes and dislikes
This podcast is not meant to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any medical, mental health, or relationship issues. Check with a provider in your area for relationship advice to help your unique relationship.
Host: Amber Dalsin, M.Sc., C.Psych. is a Downtown Toronto Couples Therapist. She provides psychological services for relationship, mood, and substance use problems.
Transcription
4 Point Road Map To Increase Sexual Satisfaction In Your Relationship
If your sexual relationship is as stale as month old bread this podcast will lay the steps to create a passionate and enjoyable sex life.
In this relationship advice podcast episode, we are talking about the following:
How to talk about sex with your partner
How to initiate sex with your partner
Sex idea to keep it interesting
How to decline sex with your partner
Talking about sex likes and dislikes
Did you know most people in USA and Canada have a really difficult time talking about sex with their partner? This taboo topics is fraught with nerves, disappointment, and feelings of failure. No wonder it is so hard to bring up. While part of our wiring tells us steer clear of difficult conversations, another hard wired parts of our brain also receives primitive orders to obtain sex.
Here are the steps to increase physical intimacy and create a sex life that honors your primal instincts and keeps you going back for more.
CCPRR is down for a rebrand. FI you are looking for our website stay tuned.
The first point in the road is 1. Being able to talk about sex with your partner.
In Episode 3: arguing and Keeping your relationship intact we discuss the story of Esty and Yanky. It’s about a young ultra-Orthodox Jewish couple who find themselves in an arranged marriage. Esty experiences painful vaginismus which is painful contracting of the vagina making penetration painful or impossible. Despite this, they have pressures form the community, and Yanky’s mother to produce a child. After their first week of marriage, Esty and Yanky have not been able to have intercourse, and Esty finds herself face to face with Yanky’s mother. Trapped in her own modestly furnished living room, she is backed into an awkward conversation about how to make Yanky feel like a king… though sex. Can you imagine your mother in law being brought in to “help” with your sex life before you talk about it with your husband? How would you feel about sex after being confronted by your mother in law?
I highlight what not to do, rather think about what you could do. Solutions are the secret sauce to overcoming difficulty, not complaining.
2. Discuss likes and dislikes
In the TV show Outlander, that follows the story of Claire Randall who is inexplicably transported to 1743 by the stones of Craigh na Dun. She marries a strapping young Scottish lad named Jamie Fraser to protect her from being handed over to one of the stories man antagonists. While Jamie and Claire did not know each other well at the time of their marriage, their marriages quickly buds into a lusty passion. After the consummating their marriage for the first time. During the first seen of the consummation she asks “ does that hurt” and “do you want me to stop” He tells her” I thought my heart was going to burst”, he starts sharing with her in small ways, just saying what he is thinking. These are such little conversations, but they are communicating likes and dislikes and sharing their inner experience.
3. I don’t have a TV show that demonstrates this one but it is creating a ritual for initiation declining sex. A main pain point of many of my clients is feeling rejected around sex. They tell me of the times early in their relationship where they got a no in a difficult way. And because they cannot talk about the now it leads to deep pain.
Equally because of the nos they do not know how to start it. In early relationship we are filled with more lust and passion which seemly wears off as time passes. Now, it’; important to be able to talk about how to initiate.
Imagine the difference.
A man arrives home from work and a woman is making dinner. She is fraught with emotion after a stressful day, her stomach is growling after skipping lunch, and her mouth is salivating for the steaks on the BBQ, when her husband arrives home after receiving great news about a promotion. He is eager to share the news with her and wants to celebrate by physical connection. Being oblivious to her frayed nerves and her hunger he grabs her in a passionate embrace. How do you think she will react?
Think of the second option: he comes home and says sweetheart, I had an awesome day, I could like to connect and make love to you. What can I do to get you in the mood.
Or the 3rd option hey have a sex candle and he walks to over to light it to signal to her he wants to.
Due to her hunger and frustration do you think she is immediately in the mood?
So creating rituals to initiate and decline sex and be very important. Couples that can gently decline sex, but still find a way to spend time together usually end up having more sex, as it makes it easier to start it up again.
4. Be creative in keeping it interesting.
In early relationship novelty is an aspect of exciting sex. Just because a relationship has gone on for a long time, does not mean it needs to be stagnant. So get creative. Creative could be trying a new position, having sex at a different time of day, or in a new room. Creative could also be more spicy. It could be putting down a plastic sheet and covering each other in oil, role plays, playing naked twister, planning get always where sex is the main activity.
This again requires talking. To change up the sex means finding a way to communicate in a way that you can talk about the new ideas, being open to suggestions, but also being comfortable to decline when you do not want to do something.
Sex in a long term relationship does not have to be stagnant and boring. IT will surely be different than the anticipation, suspense and uncertainty that comes with sex in early relationship. The benefit with a long term partner is learning each other in a deep way that heightens passion and sensation because you know each other so well and the relationship feels safe. Our partner is our sexual playmate. Learning to work together to honor our primal needs, while respecting our individual differences and the real stresses of daily life is how we honor the tightrope walk of creating powerful and intimate sex.
